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Monday, 16 December 2013
Being a parent is difficult and so is
coming off as a proud child. It's only
human to give vent to your rage by using
harsh words. However, when the
recipient of your outrage is your own
child, it might have uncertain and
unmanageable repercussions.
We list 9 insensitive things that you
should avoid saying to your child.
1. I was much more responsible when I
was your age
Comparing your child and giving him an
example of what all you were capable of
when you were a kid is the first big
mistake parents make.
Their irritation stems from 'expectations'
- expectations of bringing up the 'perfect'
kid. Try and recall your shortcomings as a
child and what all troubles you bothered
your parents with. You are the elder one
in the relationship hence you ought to
know more. A statement such as this will
break your child's confidence.
2. You always end up taking wrong
decisions
Don't penalise your kid for being
immature. Everyone is allowed to make
mistakes and it is in fact a part of the
learning process. He might have taken up
a field of study that doesn't interest you
or perhaps working with a company that
you're not very proud of, but that doesn't
mean you accuse him of the decisions.
Your job as a parent is to guide him, not
force him to obey your opinions.
3. Why can't you be more like your
brother/sister?
This is once again an unreasonable
comparison and a common one at that.
Avoid seeding in animosity between your
children by comparing their abilities.
Doing so may create a fissure between
the siblings. You don't want your kid to
harbour negative feelings for you, hence
avoid assessing your kids.
4. Leave me alone!
Adults have huge responsibilities to take
care of, responsibilities that children are
innocently oblivious of. And there are
times when we want to be left alone too.
Kids are incapable of understanding the
gravity of such situations. An impatient
outburst of 'Leave me alone!' can make
your child feel neglected, unwanted and
depressed at the same time. Show some
patience and avoid saying something bad
to him.
5. You should be ashamed of yourself
This statement is outright harsh and
saying such an awful thing to any child is
simply 'bad'. Yes, there are mischievous
kids who go about pestering people with
a devil-may-care attitude but that does
not mean you reprimand him like this.
There are better and milder ways to make
the child understand the difference
between good and bad.
6. You're just like your father/mother
Not all married couples are happy living
together and the bitterness in their
relationship often translates into
exchange of unkind words against each
other. Some relationships end in
separation too. Either ways, kids are a
witness to this mutual hostility and
criticism. So when you shower your
partner's animosity on your kid, that's
when he begins to lose respect.
7. You always find ways to hurt me
There are times when children hurt their
parents' sentiments by going against
their wishes. Most times it is
unintentional but there are kids who do
so on purpose. However, saying
something like the above statement
would make your child feel guilty about
his/her decision. He might comply with
your demands to make you happy but
you'd be taking away his right to
happiness in the long run. Let your
children take their own decisions and let
them live a guilt-free life.
8. It's better to be childless than have
a kid like you
The above statement is mostly an
extreme emotional outburst but can have
grave consequences on the kid.
Unquestionably, it is the most hurtful
thing you can ever say to your child. No
matter what the crisis is, saying
something like this could make you regret
for life.
9. Get rid of the bad company of your
friends
We (read adults) don't think before
making friends. Neither do children. The
only difference is that we know how to
stay away from bad company and
children don't. Their friends mean the
world to them and therefore you cannot
just order them to get a new set of 'good'
friends.
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